A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
