Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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