Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
