My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
