i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
