having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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