I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
there is puke in my bra ... again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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