a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize