went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
