So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
