he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
