peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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