There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize