remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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