Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
