I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
