So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
