and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
