We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
