the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
