they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
