I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize