I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
