If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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