stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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