i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
