I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
