In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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