This is not my ceiling
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
