I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
