Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
