There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
