i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
