I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
