Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
