btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
