Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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