absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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