I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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