i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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