So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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