How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
