I just saw a hot homeless man
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
