White coat. Heels.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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