I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
