I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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