so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
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I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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