I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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