I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
