You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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