why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
