My Higher Power is John Stamos
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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