Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
