I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
