mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
