Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just pee around me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
