thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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