One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Randomize
