I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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