hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
