im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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